Mr. Boy, On your tenth birthday

Dear Mr. Boy, 
On the occasion of your tenth birthday, I sit to write you a note.  I cannot believe you are ten, it seemed like yesterday you were toddler wearing overalls dragging your blanket around.   Where does the time go?  This is something people would say as I was growing up and I would just nod and say, "Yes, time sure does fly by."  I never believed it, but now... I get it.  It is a strange phenomenon of seeing you grow up in a blink of an eye.
This year was has been a great year for you.   You had a school teacher who loved you and motivated you.  She was the answer to many prayers and it is amazing how much a teacher can impact your life.   I sent you off to school each day envious of your teacher, who got to spend so much time with you.   I missed you and the school year seemed to drag on.  It's not a secret, I love summers, and I love hanging out with you and your sister all day long.  We swim, we watch shows together about crab fishing, and read books.   There isn't the strict school schedule and we can see where the day takes us.  I feel like a nag all school year.   "Get your soccer gear on, it's time for practice."  "Finish your homework." "Put away your Laundry"  "Do your chores."  I know you think I love "barking orders", but really I am not a fan.

You have this personality, that naturally makes people of all ages want to be with you.   You always have had a magnetic personality, but this year, I notice you becoming more self conscientious in new situations.   You embarrass easier and you hang back instead of jumping right in.  It kills me to see this change, but I know it happens as your approach the teenage years.  I want you to remember that you are amazing, and that having confidence will take you very far in life.    A firm handshake and eye contact are an important life skill and never ever be afraid to jump right in.   Sure, some people may think you are a fool, but those are not the people you want to be friends with anyway.  I can not tell you enough, that confidence is a key to success.

I am so torn with how to handle your persistence.  You do not take "No" easily as an answer, and I want to teach you to be persistent, but also to know when to accept the answer that is given.   We butt heads a lot and you tell me all the time that I "yell", but it is not so much of a yell other than my firm voice, to let you know it's not negotiable.   Your persistence and drive will have payoffs in your career, but I don't know how to balance the household without squashing your persistent nature.   There is no instruction book in parenting and that is probably the most challenging thing about having a family.   Each kid is unique and there isn't a manual that tells you how to do things.   I am sometimes just guessing at what the right thing is to do.  You are my first born and I'm bound to make mistakes, I just pray that they aren't mistakes that break your spirit. 

You and your sister got along so well this year and then the week before summer, Boom!  You became mortal enemies.  I have been reminded that my brothers and I fought all the time, and now we are the dearest of friends.  Even though my brothers were my enemies growing up, they were also my fiercest protectors.  They always had my back, and when I needed them, they were there for me. Even now, they are there for me.  When you read these letters 100 years from now, I want you to remember to be your sister's best friend.  She is going to need you, and you will need her.  There is something about having a friend who has known you most of your life who can give the advice you need to hear.  You won't always like their advice but they know you best of all.

I am reminded that all the bickering you are doing with AK will make her stronger.  I have always felt confident that I could hold my own, because "I'm not scared of anything, I grew up with older brothers."  One time, there was a man following me out to my car late at night, I don't think he had the best of intentions.  I turned around and yelled at him, "You are messing with the wrong chick, I grew up with only brothers, and I'll kick you so hard, you'll squeal like a pig."  The man turned down an alley, and walked away really fast.

This past year you have been angry at your Grandfather for moving across the country with his new wife.  It has been hard and I know you have felt cheated.   Nana and Grandpa came to visit almost every week of your life, and after Nana died, Grandpa came even more often than that.  It has been hard for you to know how to process your feelings and you refused to talk to him for most of the year.   It has been your first time really learning how to forgive and move forward.  It's been a tough lesson to learn, but trust me, it's better to learn to forgive and move forward than to hold a grudge and constantly be stuck.

You still love Legos and books, and I would be content to stop the clock right here and freeze this age forever.   You often will sit and chat with me while you fiddle with Legos and I cherish this time.   You are reading many of the books that I read at your age and I love chatting with you about them.  You love to learn about new things and right now you are obsessed with the Revolutionary War and Greek Mythology.   I hope you never stop wanting to learn about history and you never stop reading.  This has been our Harry Potter year, and we finished reading the entire series and watched the movies together.  It was fun to discuss the book vs. movie differences and you felt cheated that the movies left some parts out.   You just watched the Lord of the Rings movies, and said, "I'm going to read the book now to see all the parts I missed."  If only we could direct this passion into school.   You are so smart and you don't even have to try and you get good grades.   We are trying to teach you to put in the little bit of extra effort so you can get excellent grades. Don't just coast through life, my son.  Put forth the effort to really get the  most out of life, it's worth it, I promise.

 As I crawl into bed each night, I thank God for giving me you and your sister.  Then I turn to your dad and tell him, "We are so lucky, Mr. Man."   You are my son, stubborn like me, with a zest for life that is contagious.   You and I laugh all the time and we have fun together, and I hope that you have that same relationship with your own children.   I love you to the moon and back and then an infinity more.
Love,
Mom

Month in review - January

We visited the Space Shuttle Endeavour which made me feel very patriotic.  I had taken the kids out of school to see  Endeavours final flight as it arrived in California.  

Mr. Boy had repair work on his jaw from the bout of cellulitis he had three years ago.   All in all, my kids are healthy.  As I sat in the waiting room with other parents who had children in surgery for serious medical reasons, I realized it is a blessing I take for granted. 

   

I made my first batch of cheese, which is my cooking project for the year.  It was a lot easier than I thought, and quite tasty. I am dreaming of summers eating fresh mozzarella by the pool with fat homegrown tomatoes.

We did a lot more of this as Mr. Boy is having a fierce battle with asthma this winter. 

The weather turned crazy cold, like high in the low 50's and we cityfolk whined and complained.   The rains came and with a puppy that means playing in mud. I spent most of the month spending some quality time with my mop.

The clouds parted and the sun came out again to warm us up. Zoey tested the pool out to make sure it was still working and soaked up the rays after.  This is quite possibly my favorite picture of Zoey.

 

Flu's of all sorts hit our house in one weeks time.  Miss AK had the stomach flu, which meant she spent plenty of time reading to the dogs on her "floor bed", which is her favorite part of being sick. 

 

Mr. Man was a great sport and we dressed up for Mr. Man's Swanky Company 1920's themed Party.  I think he should try and bring knickers back, what do you think?

 And somewhere in my month was my birthday, which as always is a time for reflection,  where I wonder, "What am I doing with my life?" 

I came up with a new plan in addition to the Yes Project... stay tuned. 

Happy 7th Birthday, AK-47!

 Dearest AK,
On the occasion of your 7th birthday, I sit to write you a note to let you know how proud I am of you.  You are growing up so fast and I keep wanting to say, "Whoa, let's slow this down!"  It seemed like yesterday you were this tiny little infant and then I blinked and you turned into this sassy, fashionable, rock start of a girl.  You have an innate style all your own and I love shopping with you..   Every day I look forward to seeing what ensembles you come up with to wear.   One of the things I love most about you is that you are so confident and I hope your confidences never fades. 

There have been challenges this year in school and you have struggled with some concepts of reading and math.   It has been hard to try and figure out the best way to help you.   I'm not sure, maybe these aren't your fortes.   Here is what I know for sure and what I want you to remember forever.    There is always more than one way to do things and never apologize for marching to the beat of your own drum. 

You have the most intense and  largest imagination of anyone I know.   Everytime I pick you up from a playdate the mom pulls me aside and says, "Wow, AK has one very big imagination!"  I always smile with pride and say, "I know, it's amazing, isn't it?"   I am confident that your imagination is going to take you very far in life and your imagination is going to be the key to your success. Many times people will be over and think you are screaming for help, but in reality one of your toys is in peril and you are trying to save it.   We often joke that we can take you anywhere, stick you in a corner with two objects, and you can play for hours making your toys yell at each other.   It's not that they are really yelling at each other, just that when you play, you play at one volume, and that is loudly!  

I give thanks each night for your feminine nature, you are a girly girl with a healthy side of tomboy.  You can hold your own against your strong willed brother, but you do it with such a natural grace.   You love ballet and have been born with "dancer's feet" which makes your ballet teacher giddy.   Even when you are just standing around your feet are in some ballet pose, and your back is straight and tall.   You are picky with your dance teachers, and we are lucky to have Miss Raquel who we love so much.  I love doing a load of pink laundry each week, pulling your unruly hair into a bun, and watching you dance across the room.  I love that there are often barbie shoes and legos stashed in odd places around the house, and I love having a girl.

A little over seven years ago, I sat across from your birthmom in a crowded resturant.  You had demanded Mexican food that day from inside your birthmom's tummy.   It's amazing to me that you already knew prior to being born that you liked tortilla chips and bananas.   I swear you would be content eating those two things solely for years on end.   On that day, your sweet birthmom showed me an ultrasound picture with the words, "It's a girl!" written along the top.   Truthfully, I was hoping for a boy,  I thought my talents were being a boy mom, but my soul knew otherwise.   I burst into tears of joy and gratitude, and a whole wardrobe of pink clothes flashed before my eyes.    On the way home from our meeting I called your dad and we both laughed and cried saying, "A girl! A girl!  It's a girl!"  Then I proclaimed to Daddy, "I'm going shopping for a closet full of pink clothes"  and Daddy swears I have never stopped.   In reality I called the sitter and told her I was going to be late and bought a small arsenal of pink clothes.  I told everyone in the store that day, "I'm having a baby girl, A GIRL! Can you believe it?" 

 

Then you were born with these crazy gorgeous doll-like features.   You have such an amazing face, with delicate features.   I had a man stop us once and say, "When they make dolls, they base it off a face just like your daughters. She is beautiful."   There is nothing in the world like the sound of a little girl's giggle. I could listen to you laugh all day long.

You have such an amazing joyful personality and you have a natural talent with people, especially adults.  You often chat with the neighbors from your bedroom window when you are supposed to be sleeping.  Our neighbors love it, and we look the other way.  We love that you invite them over regularly for "surprise parties" which translate into "Mom, surprise! We are having our neighbors over!"   

Sweet AK, I love you with all my heart.   You bring so much joy to our lives and I can't imagine my life without you.  When times get tough, remember you have a huge support team behind you.   Most people just have one family cheering them on, but because of the miracle of adoption, you have two giant families rooting for you, plus a whole neighborhood full of fill in Grandparents.   There is something comforting about having a huge team cheering you on.      

I love you, 

Mom

Happy Ninth Birthday, Mr. Boy

Dearest Mr. Boy,
On the eve of your 9th birthday, I sit to write you a note. What a year this has been, you have changed so much this year.  You are 9 going on 15, and seem so grown up.

School was rough for you this year, and I wish I could rewind the clock and do this school year over. I didn't make the best choices when it came to figuring out how to handle problems. Can I tell you a secret? As the oldest. child you get the short end of the stick sometimes. I'm still trying to figure this parenting gig out. In all honesty I have no idea what I'm doing. I've never done this before and as the first kid, you are my guinea pig. I'm sorry for the mistakes I've made and am yet to make.

This year you have had a hard time trying to figure out playground politics. You want to be friends and liked by everyone, but not everyone seems to like each other. It's been tough to navigate, but you have tried to be kind to everyone. Mr. Boy, I want you to remember this... Be nice. The nice guy doesn't always win, life is super unfair that way. But the nice guy always comes out with his head held high and a clean conscious. That is something you can't put a price tag on.

Right now you are so headstrong and you think you know better than me. Some days I get so frustrated because I feel like everything is a fight. I love you and I don't want to fight with you. However, the tenacity that you use to get your way gives me great hope for your future. When you put your mind to something, you will not stop until the outcome you desire is achieved. I hope that carries into your academics and your career.

 We lost our beloved dogs Sandy & Skoopi this year and you took it so very hard.  You would sit and watch cartoons on the floor with a dog on each side of you.  It kills me to see you still reach over to pet a dog that is not there.  Zoey has been a godsend and she totally bonded to you, but you still feel the void of having gone from two dogs to one.  It's not fair, Mr. Boy, you lost your Nana, and your dogs all in one year.  That is too much grief for an 8 year old. There are many nights when your grief bubbles to the surface and that is okay.  Yes, they were just dogs, but they were also your constant companions.  I miss them too. 

Mr. Boy, you are destined for great things. I just hope I can raise you right so you can realize your potential. When you were in Kindergarten at the little Jesus-lovin school that we loved so much, your teacher sat me down and told me, "Mademoiselle, this boy is a born leader.  I have no doubt that he will be an important person in history. However, he is going to lead people to greatness or lead people to evil, it's up to us to help him be good." Her words have stuck with me ever since.  I hope I can help you achieve greatness, and if you become President of the United States, you better invite me to the White House Easter Egg Hunt.

Your grades were terrible this year, it wasn't your best academic year.  We can blame the teacher or some of the challenges at home, but really you and I both know that you just didn't really give it your all.  You are wicked smart, and soak up knowledge like a sponge.  You are fascinated with Egypt, The Titanic, Bigfoot, The Loch Ness Monster, World War II and any other war involving uniforms and blood.   Unfortunately none of those topics came up in your 3rd grade curriculum, so we learned about it on our own, which I loved every single minute of it.   Mr. Boy, you have to try your hardest in school, it's important and I hope you realize that now.

When you asked, "Why are grades so important, anyway?"  we told you all about getting good grades so that you can go to a good university.   You were completely blown away by the idea that you get to live with your best friends in an apartment while you go to school without mom and dad.  This sounds like nirvana to you and Mr. Boy... college is awesome! It's a privilege you are going to have to earn, and since we have become "crazy obsessed with the right answers on homework"  you are learning the important lesson, "It's always faster to do things right the first time." Yes, even your homework. 

Somewhere over the course of the year, xBox became huge in our house, particularly the game of Halo.  You are obsessed with it.  We all started playing as a family and joked that "The family that slays together, stays together."  Then your skills far surpassed mine and now I'm not invited to play with you and dad anymore.   I love that you have something to share with your dad, he is a super involved father, and you have no idea how lucky you are to have a dad like that in your life. 

You and AK are the best of friends and biggest enemies.   I try to keep reminding myself that I had a love/hate relationship with my brothers and now my oldest brother and I are the dearest of friends.  A few days ago we were on an outing and a little boy was being selfish with some toys that AK wanted to play with.  You were all tough and tried to stand up for your sister and then for two days you talked about that "Dumb stupid boy at the park."   It gave me hope that you will be there for your sister. 

As playground politics were becoming more tense this year, a couple of the parents got together and sat a few of the kids down.   We formed a secret gang and you guys are responsible for having each other's backs.  I can't imagine what Jr. High and High School are going to be like and what schools you will attend, but I hope you can have this alliance of good friends to help you navigate the world.  There is safety in numbers, remember that, and you can never have enough good friends. 

Mr. Boy, you are one lucky boy.   We live in the most amazing time, everyone walks around with phones that act as computers!  I can't imagine what the world will be like in 20 years.  You have such a zest for life and I love being with you.   I hope that we can have many adventures in the future and that I can take you to see the pyramids in Egypt and try and hunt down Nessie in Scotland.   I love you.

Love,
Mom

Celebrating Another Year of Wisdom

On the morning of my birthday I awoke to notes every where, placed by Mr. Man proclaiming "Happy Birthday!"  They were on my toothbrush, in the refrigerator, in my purse and they were placed in all the places I go during my morning routine with the kids. 

  

For my birthday, I had a very handsome man ask me if I would like to join him at the aquarium for the day and of course, I said, "Yes!"   So I chaperoned Mr. Boy's field trip and spent the day learning all about Whales, Jellyfish, and petting Sting Rays and Sharks. It is always fun to see your kids in their own social environment and watch their interactions.  

 

Ever since I left home, my mom and dad would call at 7:09am (the time I was born) and sing a horrible rendition of Happy Birthday on the phone.   I miss it, but was overjoyed with a ton of messages from Mr. Man's loyal cousins and some friends singing happy birthday or playing a special song.  It made me laugh all day long.  I even got a special delivery from the beloved cousins of the worlds biggest chocolate cupcake.  I am so blessed with a family that has welcomed me in.

 

The Neighbor-steins came over to babysit and Mr. Man whisked me away to a dinner on the town.  This years destination had a nostalgic twist.  When we arrived home, the kids had set up a "party" per Mr. Man's instructions.  

The day could have ended right there, and it would be deemed a successful birthday.  I opened up some gifts and there was this Chef's Knife.....   Not just any Chef's Knife, but a particular Chef's Knife I had been admiring quietly from a distance for years.  As I opened it up, I gasped, how on earth did Mr. Man ever know I wanted it?  He'd never step foot in Williams Sonoma and seen me staring at it in the glass case.   I am constantly baffled by my husband in the very best possible way.   So glad I said Yes to him!