Save your face!

I've never been graceful, I'm pretty sure my brother hogged all those genes along with the dimples.  So a week ago I found myself tripping over my own two feet and falling face first down our back porch stairs.  I was getting ready to head into the office and had that moment where I thought "Oh no! Do I land on my laptop or my face?  Wait, I haven't backed up this week!"   I chose face, which was the wrong choice in retrospect.  I hurt my shoulder and my shattered my phone.

My priorities got a little screwed up and I put saving objects before saving myself.  Can you see why I need "The Year of You, The year of Me"? I actually made an appointment to get a new phone before I made an appointment to get my shoulder checked out.  I actually looked at my dangling arm and said, "That's not so bad.  Holy crap, what am I going to do about my phone!"

When I finally relented that I was hurt I headed into see a doctor only to find that I had dislocated my shoulder.   They couldn't even get me to move my arm into position for an x-ray, the pain was that bad.  They gave me a shot for the pain and most of the rest of the visit is a blur.  I do remember them telling me that to put the shoulder back, the pain would be just like when I was in labor with my kids.  Then I panicked and said, "Wait stop!   I don't do that!  Stop!  I don't do labor!  I adopted!"

Everything happened really fast, another shot and there are people that are holding me tight and in position as the doc slides my arm back into place.   I let out a scream that can only be described as primal and the pain was blinding.  Everything went white for a second.

As soon as I caught my breath I started telling the nurses, "You guys are fools, complete fools for having children.  That was STUPID painful and if you said this pain was like labor, I don't really understand why you would do that to yourself.  Oh my goodness, don't ever get pregnant.  I mean it, that was crazy painful."

I remember saying those things and having the thought, "Wendy, please stop talking.  Really, stop talking.  It's time to be quiet."  I'm pretty mortified that I said that and texted every pregnant friend I know. "You might want to think twice about Labor.  It's crazy painful and I'm pretty sure it's a bad idea."

Obviously, the lesson we learned here is 1.  Do not use your face or body to break a fall.  2.  I get very, very opinionated and chatty on pain medication.

The Year of You, The Year of Me, The Year of Imagine Dragons

Last month I unveiled my 2015 project "The Year of You, the Year of Me".  A year of focusing on making myself a priority.  When on an airplane, they advise you to put your oxygen mask, and that's what I'm doing here.

The goal is to live my best life in 2015.  I want to seek out adventures, become healthier, and have internal peace.  As soon as I hit publish on my first post, an email popped into my inbox inviting me on my first adventure.   It was almost comical at how instantaneous this was.   Of course, I hemmed and hawed over how I would have to juggle some logistics with the kids.  Mr. Man stepped in and said, "You won't regret this, just do it, after all,  It's the Year of You."

So, I celebrated my official kick off of "The Year of You, The Year of Me" by dropping the kids off at school and meeting up with my pal Cim.  We attended a secret show for one of my favorite bands, Imagine Dragons.   It was amazing, just Cim, myself, and 298 other superfans watching a full concert that was being filmed for an online event. 

For the remainder of the month, I did very "adult things."   I interviewed doctors, set up doctor appointments, and worked with a therapist to forgive my mom for leaving me behind.   I have my first physical in 12 years booked for April and I feel so grown up.   Next thing you know I'll be talking about Metamucil and how my bad knee acts up when a storm is rolling in.

This month, my goal is eating my five fruits and vegetables a day.  Anyone game to join me?

The Bad Muchacho

I shouldn't be allowed in public without a chaperone.  Truly, I will do almost anything to amuse myself.  It doesn't matter if I have an audience or not, I just can't help it. 

Recently, this has been exacerbated by a marathon of my favorite show "Impractical Jokers".   They dare each other to do stupid or silly things and make fools of themselves in public.  Somehow, I think I'm their long lost 5th member.

As part of the "Year of You, Year of Me" project, I've been working on getting doctors appointments set up for myself. (aka being an adult)  One thing on the list is to find a real doc for Mr. Man and I.  We've been seeing a doctor who is mediocre, bills us incorrectly, and because his schedule is always full we end up seeing the other doctors in his office.   Most of them graduated from the "Medical School of the Caymans" and regularly seem a little hungover.   They are also terrified to actually write a prescription and love to refer you to a specialist.  "Thanks Doctor, but I'm pretty sure my sinus infection, is not a rare tumor, since you know I had a cold last week and I get the SAME SINUS infection every year around this time.  I'd rather try antibiotics first before a CT scan and seeing an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist."

I mentioned to one of my kid's doctors that I needed a new primary doctor for me and asked for some suggestions.  His big advice was to interview doctors, just like I did with my kids pediatricians.  So I set up interviews and met with three doctors who have a concierge type practice.  One of them is perfect and it's not who I would have chosen initially, but during the interview we hit it off.  Interviewing the doctors was a genius idea.

However, during the  interview with the second doctor,  I could tell pretty quickly he and I were not going to gel.  I decided to abandon the questions I'd prepared and ask him some things off the cuff strictly for my own amusement.

Moi:   We established that you have same day appointments unlike my other doc.  Does this mean I can get my prescriptions at "The Target" like regular folks?  Or will I have to continue to stock up when I go to Mexico?


Moi: This one time I was in Mexico, I had a cough that wouldn't quit, so they gave me a pill called, "The Bad Muchacho."  I swear I didn't even get a runny nose for at least a year after I took it. I was healthier than a horse for at least 365 days.  Do you know if there is an American equivalent?

Moi:  Sometimes I can't afford to take a real vacation, so I take what I call a Valium Vacation.  It's similar to a Staycation, but I just take some Valium and lay in the sun.  Do you think I could get a doctor's note that excuses me from work during that week?

Shockingly, that doctor didn't have any room in his practice to take us on as new clients.  He promised to call when a spot opens up, but I'm not gonna hold my breath waiting around for his call.

Disclaimer: My questions were hypothetical and not an admission of drug use, buying drugs across the border, and/or using Valium for recreational use. I do not advocate taking a Valium Vacation or taking a pill called The Bad Muchacho.

Four Years Ago I Lost My Mom

Sometimes when I need a little extra strength to stand tall, I put on a pair of my Mom's shoes.

Four years ago today, my mom succumbed to Breast Cancer.   It was and is still so hard.  To be completely truthful, my relationship with my mom was complicated.  I loved her, she was my biggest cheerleader, and incredibly optimistic.  She also drove me nuts and my parents had some belief systems that sometimes strained our relationship. With all that being said, I miss her.  I miss her a lot.  

I still want my mom to be here, to be a Grandma, to be my friend, to tell me it's going to be okay.  I had no idea when she died, my family, in a way, would died with her.  My mother is probably horrified at the current state of the family and our infrequent interactions.  (The exception being my oldest brother, who is my best friend.  In spite of the fact that he hogged the dimples and good genes,  I still love him.)

As part of The Year of You, The Year of Me, I vowed that I would dump some of my emotional baggage that I've been hauling around.   I need to confess that while I miss my mom terribly, I have been so mad at her, I could hardly see straight.   I've been stuck in the anger stage of grief and just can't seem to move forward.  

She had Breast Cancer three years before her death and while she had surgery, she chose not to treat it with chemo or radiation.  She chose to go against the advice of her Oncologist.  She gambled and she lost, which resulted in my loss.  I lost my mom, my kid's lost a Grandma, and I lost my family as I knew it. I've been furious with her and her choice.

So, at the beginning of the year I decided it's time to move forward, to let go of the anger and leave my emotional baggage at the curb.  Someone else can have it, I don't need it anymore.   I've been lugging that around for a while now and I'm really tired.   With the help of a therapist I've been able to gain an understanding, a new perspective on my mom's choices.  It hasn't been easy and there have been many tears shed, but it has all been worth it.  

I have a new appreciation for my mom that I didn't have before.  She was a vibrant person whose life wasn't easy.  She spent most of her life swimming upstream while wearing hot pink lipstick.  She made the best of it.  Her Mama Bear instincts are legendary and I vividly remember the principal of my elementary school telling me, "I'm going to have to call your mother, but truthfully she terrifies me." (You can read the infamous Mama Bear story here.)

Last night I dreamed about her for the first time in a long time.  We were floating on rafts and I had been holding on to a rope tied to her raft.   She looked at me, smiled, and mouthed the words, "Let Go."  I hesitated and then she nodded and smiled.  I let go of the rope and she drifted away out of view, while I floated back to shore.  My kids, my husband were all there on the beach waiting for me to return.  

Today, I will celebrate my mom and honor the good things I inherited for her.  I will honor her vibrant spirit, put on some hot pink lipstick, and live my life to the fullest.  Just the way my mom would want me too.