Tuesday, February 24, 2015

The Bad Muchacho

I shouldn't be allowed in public without a chaperone.  Truly, I will do almost anything to amuse myself.  It doesn't matter if I have an audience or not, I just can't help it. 

Recently, this has been exacerbated by a marathon of my favorite show "Impractical Jokers".   They dare each other to do stupid or silly things and make fools of themselves in public.  Somehow, I think I'm their long lost 5th member.

As part of the "Year of You, Year of Me" project, I've been working on getting doctors appointments set up for myself. (aka being an adult)  One thing on the list is to find a real doc for Mr. Man and I.  We've been seeing a doctor who is mediocre, bills us incorrectly, and because his schedule is always full we end up seeing the other doctors in his office.   Most of them graduated from the "Medical School of the Caymans" and regularly seem a little hungover.   They are also terrified to actually write a prescription and love to refer you to a specialist.  "Thanks Doctor, but I'm pretty sure my sinus infection, is not a rare tumor, since you know I had a cold last week and I get the SAME SINUS infection every year around this time.  I'd rather try antibiotics first before a CT scan and seeing an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist."

I mentioned to one of my kid's doctors that I needed a new primary doctor for me and asked for some suggestions.  His big advice was to interview doctors, just like I did with my kids pediatricians.  So I set up interviews and met with three doctors who have a concierge type practice.  One of them is perfect and it's not who I would have chosen initially, but during the interview we hit it off.  Interviewing the doctors was a genius idea.

However, during the  interview with the second doctor,  I could tell pretty quickly he and I were not going to gel.  I decided to abandon the questions I'd prepared and ask him some things off the cuff strictly for my own amusement.

Moi:   We established that you have same day appointments unlike my other doc.  Does this mean I can get my prescriptions at "The Target" like regular folks?  Or will I have to continue to stock up when I go to Mexico?

Moi: This one time I was in Mexico, I had a cough that wouldn't quit, so they gave me a pill called, "The Bad Muchacho."  I swear I didn't even get a runny nose for at least a year after I took it. I was healthier than a horse for at least 365 days.  Do you know if there is an American equivalent?

Moi:  Sometimes I can't afford to take a real vacation, so I take what I call a Valium Vacation.  It's similar to a Staycation, but I just take some Valium and lay in the sun.  Do you think I could get a doctor's note that excuses me from work during that week?

Shockingly, that doctor didn't have any room in his practice to take us on as new clients.  He promised to call when a spot opens up, but I'm not gonna hold my breath waiting around for his call.

Disclaimer: My questions were hypothetical and not an admission of drug use, buying drugs across the border, and/or using Valium for recreational use. I do not advocate taking a Valium Vacation or taking a pill called The Bad Muchacho.

1 comment:

Beth McGrath said...

You crack me up.