Dearest Mr. Boy,
You make me laugh like no one else on the planet. I am trying hard to raise you up to be a gentleman, but I am failing in one area. You lack compassion and it's all my fault. We've spent hours watching America's Funniest Home Videos and people falling down on the internet, unfortunately it has created quite a funny bone. So this year when I fell flat on my face, instead of you and AK rushing over to help me up, you were rolling on the ground in fits of uncontrollable laughter. The other night I bonked my head on your bunk bed and you fell out of your bed laughing. Part of me is mortified of the monster I've created, but at the same time, I realize I have created someone who is just like me. I love that our days are filled with laughter and that you have such an amazing sense of humor. At your Fifth Grade Promotion, I loved that you kept cracking up as you caught my eye in the audience as I was making faces at you.
You are eager to get out and travel the world and lament often about our lack of travel. Be patient Mr. Boy, your time will come very soon. Your dream trip is to Ireland and Greenland, you dream of snow, and of far off places. I hope you know that the world is there for you to explore, but the secret is... most of the best stuff is right here. We live in the most amazing place... you have deer in your backyard! The beach is just a car ride away, and we do stuff outside all year long. I know the grass is always greener, but try not to forget to enjoy your own grass before you move to a new pasture.
As you enter middle school I want you to remember to "Be Yourself!" Never feel like you have to conform, find your own path and others will follow. Follow your Arrow, my son, wherever it may point and know that I will love you forever.
Monday, July 07, 2014
9:22 PM: Kids all tucked in bed, Mr. Man is out for the evening, and I wandered into the bathroom to pick up the wet swimsuits off the floor. Catch reflection in mirror and notice a plethora of grey hairs have made themselves at home on my head. Root around in cabinet and find old bottle of hair dye, decide to dye hair on a whim.
9:26PM: Marvel at how efficient I am being as I start to dye hair. Will paint toes while dye sets on hair and in less than 30 minutes I will emerge a fresher version of myself.
9:29PM: Hear a sickening crack as I squeeze bottle of hair dye on the remaining 2/3rds of my hair. The bottle shatters into a million pieces while reddish brown hair dye splatters all over bathroom. Frantically started cleaning the dye off the walls, cabinets, tile, mirror, and the ceiling.
10:29PM: No such luck, cabinets and walls are stained with what looks like dried blood. It is taking forever to wipe everything down.
10:35 PM: Mr. Man strolls into bathroom to find his wife wearing a bathrobe with what appears to be a large bloodstain on the chest and dried blood all over the walls. Spend next five minutes convincing Mr. Man I have not been stabbed or shot.
10:40 PM: Realize hair dye has been on 1/3 of my head for one hour longer than intended... scream... and start rinsing hair dye out. Watch in horror as gobs of hair fall off my head and go down drain.
10:50 PM: Emerge from bathroom with bald patch, color blocked hair, and zero dignity left. Crack open pint of Ben and Jerry's. Buy several new hats on internet, vow to never dye hair again on my own and put "repaint bathroom" on weekend to do list.
11:15 PM: Start to reminisce about other beauty mishaps and laugh hysterically as I remember the time I waxed off one eyebrow just before starting my first job out of college and having to draw on a brow every morning. Then one day during a meeting I accidentally wiped off my brow and went around half a day with only one eyebrow. I didn't notice it until I got in the car to drive home. Surely, I'm not the only one who has had a beauty mishap? Tell me yours!