These lights give me a headache...

We vowed that with our next house we would make greener choices. We are not eco-crazy, but we want to make good choices, less chemicals, less toxic, more efficient. Mr. Man was chomping at the bit to replace the light fixtures and install flourescent energy efficient bulbs. Our last house had them and they were lovely and energy efficient. They let off a nice warm glow. These new ones... are harsh... white and makes you look grey and ill. I LOATHE them! I think I bought the wrong brand. They remind me of one of my favorite monologues from the movie Joe vs. the Volcano.

Joe: I should say something. This life... "life," what a joke. This situation, this room. You look terrible, Mr. Waturi. You look like a bag of junk* stuffed in a cheap suit. Not that anybody could look good under these zombie lights. I can feel them sucking the juice out of my eyeballs, suck suck suck suck. 300 bucks a week. That's the news. For three hundred bucks a week, I've lived in this sink...

And Frank! The coffee! It stinks! It tastes like arsenic. These lights give me a headache, if they don’t give you a headache, you must be dead. So let's arrange the funeral.


When Mr. Man turns these hideous lights on, I stand under them and say, "I can feel them sucking the juice out of my eyeballs.. suck suck suck." Mr. Man thinks I'm a nut...
*edited for my mother

PS Do yourself a favor, go rent Joe vs. the Volcano. Funny, quirky movie.