This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I think we have to break up. It's like, I don't even know who you are anymore.
The other night, we were hanging out with Jane, making some s'mores by the firepit. It was nice to relax, because I had been up on the hillside planting Orange Trees all afternoon. .
Then you came along, and as always, I was excited to see you. Rupert, you were my very favorite deer.
I thought it was sweet that you wanted to sniff my work. According to my "Deer Resistant Landscaping" book, you don't like citrus trees. Well, my book lied, and you munched those trees right down to stubs, while I watched. Were you doing it out of spite? Have I not fed you enough Molasses Oats or Deer Chow? Kept your watering trough clean enough?
I ran over and yelled at you, "Stop! Knock it off!" and you just stared at me, with a blank look in your eye. It's like you don't even care about me anymore. I did this for you, I imagined a hillside covered in fragrant orange blossoms, and sold my very best shoes to buy the best trees out there.... for you. I did it for you... and for me, just a little bit.
Rupert, I hope we can be friends again some day. I really thought we had something special, but right now, I need some time. Maybe some time, a windfall of cash to buy new trees and a new safe spot to plant them, will heal these wounds.
Goodbye Rupert, You will always have a special place in my heart. Love, Mademoiselle Francais