Thursday, November 29, 2012

I won! I won! A major award!

Flashback: I'm a "whoops" baby in my family... "The Caboose" "The Surprise Baby" aka "The Accident". I came along after my parents were done having babies. My brothers not only hogged the good genes, they used up my parents. They went to the circus, had lavish themed birthday parties, and they have baby books that are  filled in with details of their firsts. I have a post it note with the date and time I was born, and it's not a momento, but more of a reminder of my birthday, which they forgot ... twice. Did they ever forget my brother's birthday?  Of course not.  (Well, in all fairness, my Dad forgot my brother's birthday this year, which is pretty par for the course this year.  My dad is pretty focused on his new life.)
When I was 11, I was looking through the family photo albums and noticed my brothers had learned to ski, chopped down a Christmas tree with my dad, and had their pictures taken with Santa every year. Where was I? My mom said sheepishly, "Oh, you were so much younger so we left you at home with the sitter." I felt like my family had been living a secret life.  While I was watching Sesame Street with my babysitter, my brothers were out with my parents having an All American childhood.

One of my big beefs was that my brothers had a real Christmas Tree that they got to help pick out.  We always had a fake one and my parents would pack away mostly decorated.  My brothers strung popcorn while listening to Christmas Music, and I helped my parents fluff and adjust ornaments in three sections on a fake tree.  

My mom was sympathetic and tried to make it right.   My mom and I went to a cut your own tree farm and brought home a beautiful real tree to the tune of $50 bucks.  We decorated it and I felt like my childhood was more complete.  Until the very next morning, I woke up BLIND!

My eyes had swollen shut and I had hives all over. I was allergic to the tree!  Once we got my allergic reaction under control, we moved the real Christmas Tree on the patio.  The fake tree was brought down and that whole Christmas Season, my dad would see the real tree on the patio and remark, "Well, that's $50 bucks we'll never get back."

Flash Forward to the Present:  While attempting to Black Friday shop, I hit the local mall.  I've mentioned that I'm fearful I'm becoming a hermit, and seeing all those long lines made me literally run for the hills.  I went home and hung out with Rupert, Jane and the rest of the deer instead.  I did, however, take a moment to enter the Mall's Holiday Contest and I got a phone call that I WON!  Not only did I win, I won the Grand Prize!   Visions of vacations in far off lands and closets full of shoes filled my head as I drove to the mall to collect my prize.  No joke, I actually emptied my trunk just to make sure I had room to haul my loot.

I skipped and danced my way to the Mall Security Office and told them I was here to collect my prize. They said, "Oh yes, you won the Grand Prize!  Well, one of the 12 Grand Prizes, it's a real live Christmas Tree, where did you park?"
Bonus Activity... can you spot the kitty?
Moi:  Wait, the Grand Prize is a Christmas Tree? Are you kidding that is a Grand Prize?  I mean, I don't want to be ungrateful, but really the grand prize?  Is it 20 feet tall?
Mall Cop:  No, it's about 5-6 feet tall and we can help load it onto your car.
Moi:  This feels vaguely reminiscent of my first year of college,  "Hey Baby, come here, I'll give you a prize.  Next thing you know I'm stuck with an itchy rash."
*crickets*  (oh come on, that was hilarious! Really? I didn't even get a courtesy laugh. And for the record, that wasn't really reminiscent of my first year of college . )
Mall Cop:  Where are you parked?  We have other things we need to do today ma'am..
Moi: I'm not taking the tree, I'm not kidding, I'm allergic.  Let me see if I can gift it to a friend. Also, just out of curiosity what were the other prizes?
Mall Cop:  Oh, the 2nd prize was $25 gift cards.

Are you kidding?  I'd rather have that!  Oh well! My prize went to Aunt Cinnamon and looks lovely in her place.  Even better, my kids can visit my "Major Award" when they are hanging out with her, and I'll spend the holiday season rash free.

Psst.....Winning was such fun, I want you all to be winners too.
Anyone remember Faux-Prah?  Good news it is coming back for Year 2! Stay tuned!


... said...

Oh my gosh, Wendy! This whole entry is hilarious! Every bit of it. I feel like I'm laughing at your expense today! But I kind of needed that this morning!

Karlea said...

Oh My GOSH, Wendy. That is just terrible. THAT was the grand prize at the local mall contest. Words fail. I exciting to win...only to find out it's a tree!!! And I agree...I laughed out loud at your post today. The story just made the prize so much worse!! I'd have rather the gift card too...though for the Grand Prize you'd think it would be at least $100 of mall credit!!!

Laura said...

Scooter LOVES the tree. It makes him feel like an outdoor kitty.

Maxmomma said...

I agree with that first comment, I keep feeling like I'm laughing at your expense- but you have no idea how I love the stories from your childhood!

Cimblog (tm) said...

Scooter does love the tree, and he's making me crazy with that tree. He practically LIVES IN THE TREE NOW!