No doubt

I have a big confession. My children do not get along.  They bicker and fight and they try to bug each other constantly.   We've tried 10,000 different things over the past two years, but the reality is... they bicker a lot. It's frustrating and annoying, and it makes me feel like a terrible mother that I can't figure out how to get them to stop.  Then one day over a year ago I confided in a maternal figure in my life and she said, "I have never seen children fight as much as your children."   Those words stung and were seared into my brain.   My kids didn't come with an instruction manual and I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to raising them.  I'm doing my best, but there is a predominant feeling that I am just guessing what the right answer is.

Today we went and swam with some friends at their house and on the way home we chatted about having gooey, grilled paninis for dinner.  Not wanting to go into the big grocery store in my swimsuit and towel, I opted to stop at a little deli/market in our neighborhood.   I stood there and talked to the owner/butcher "Tony" in my swimsuit and towel, while he gathered an assortment of meat and cheeses for our impromptu dinner.   When I apologized for my appearance he told me, "I was the best thing that walked in his store today."  He went on to explain that he loved that we walked in wearing swimsuits to get something quick for dinner, because we had spent all day swimming and playing. There wasn't a better way for a family to spend the day.  When I unpacked our groceries I found Tony had slipped in cookies and a note, "You are a good mom."  

Later that night, I sat in the backyard painting deck chairs.  My children were giggling and chatting in the tent we had set up for them.  They had insisted on sleeping in there, but I knew there wouldn't be much sleeping going on.   While I listened to them tell silly stories, I thought about the unexpected note.  For a full year, I had felt like a failure, putting weight on one person's comment. I decided at that moment, I needed to let go, and stop berating myself.   I'm setting a bad example for my kids and I'm doing a good job at being a mother.  After all, my brothers and I bickered nonstop and we are the best of friends as adults.

Motherhood is a tough gig, and I feel like there aren't enough people like Tony the Butcher who are cheering us on as mothers.   From now on, I'm going to make a conscious effort to celebrate my mom friends, to let them know, they are doing a good job.  If you are reading this, you need to know that I think you are doing a fine job in life, whatever your role might be.   It's time for me to start putting stock more in the praise, and less in the criticism.  Also, I think I need to make Panini's more, and hit Tony's Deli more often, especially if he is giving out free compliments and cookies. 

Have you ever hung on to a criticism longer than you should?