Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Nutty Family Week: Top Ten Signs you grew up in a dysfunctional home

Today my very favorite faux sister Mary will be posting today's nutty family tidbit.  Mary and I met years ago and quickly realized we had freakish similar experiences and would think the exact same thing.  We joke that we share the same brain, so if I ever appear to be a bit unintelligent, it's because Mary is using the brain that day.

1. When you mention your mother in passing one day, your five year old laughs in astonishment and says, “You don’t have a mom!”.

2. Your happiest childhood memories are from sibling Pig Out Parties (everyone pools their cash, goes to the store and buys $50 of ice cream, donuts, chips, and  candy.  Then sits in a bedroom and eats until they yearn for death.  Literally, we would it eat ALL in one sitting.).

3. Your mom tells you that God thinks pants that zipper in the front are evil and you are forbidden to wear them.   Only elastic waisted polyester slacks are worthy of the Celestial Kingdom.  You are saddened that your high school-aged sisters will probably go to hell because they wear Levi’s shrink-to-fit jeans.

4. You have one entire wall in your family room filled with nothing but pictures of Jesus.  Probably at least 50 pictures, arranged in chronological order from Bethlehem to the resurrection. Some are trimmed with lace, for some reason.

5. Your favorite memory of your father is when he  rage-crushed a plastic water gun under his bare foot and then limped away while pretending that his foot didn’t hurt real, real bad.

To read the rest of the list visit Mary at Quite Contrary

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