Tuesday, September 25, 2007

My Superman's Kryptonite

All is so calm and peaceful in this pic, that you wouldn't know 20 minutes later Nathan awoke with his first asthma attack of the season. It was quite possibly the scariest asthma attack we've ever been through. We did round after round of treatment, and it just wasn't helping. I felt even more helpless when I knew if I did take him to the ER, there was not much more they could do there for him. I hate feeling powerless.

Nathan was diagnosed in November of 2005. Right around the time that AK was falling apart. I was at the doctor's office almost every day during the holidays with both the kids. The whole six months following were a blur of doctors, and seemed so surreal. We tried new treatment after new treatment, thinking in a week or two things would improve. All those memories, the quiet desperation, came flooding back, as Mr. Man and I sat up holding a sick child and desperately praying "please... please .... please work" to God, the medicine, and the machine.

The timing of this whole experience is uncanny. Yesterday, medical bills started arriving for my surgery. Our insurance is not the worst, nor the greatest. Money set aside for a fabulous wishlist item, will go towards medical bills instead. I yelled and screamed and cursed the Insurance Company yesterday. (And I'm not exaggerating, sorry for yelling at you "Tracy" at Cigna) However, I am so ridiculously grateful today for modern medicine. I think about the money spent on Nathan's neubulizer and his medication, which I also have screamed and cursed the insurance company for, and realize how many times it has given him the chance to breathe and saved his life... it was a really small price to pay. I'm learning a lesson here... slowly but surely.


Carly said...

Don't know what it is- this time of year is hard for my breathing too. Late September to November. Love/Hate relationship.

I wish I could fix it for him- if it helps- I know what it feels like for him and I think he is a total champ. So are you! Love you, Carly

Karlea said...

Hey Wendy. I am so sorry to hear you had surgery. That SUCKS!! I hate surgery and become a total baby in the hospital. You can ask both my husband and Craig Streiff. I'm sorry Nathan has been ill. It is scary as a parent to feel powerless and out of ideas. Moms are supposed to have all the answers huh?? You are doing wonderfully! And you can come rant about medical bills and insurance companies ANYTIME. I don't know what life is without medical bills!!!! But like you, I am amazingly grateful for modern medicine, but frustrated at its costs!!! Hope you feel better soon. Surgery takes so long to recover from. Take it easy lady!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad the treatment finally worked on Nathan. That must be the scariest feeling. He looks so peaceful in that picture. I hope this "season" doesn't set him off too badly.
In the mean time, I hope you are recovering well too. You are in such good spirits. I hope you feel stronger every day.

laura said...

oh poor nathan. :( he looks so peaceful. it's just so scary to be so powerless, and you my friend, have had more than your fair share of worries with those sweet babies. xo