Outbursts Anonymous

Hello, my name is Wendy and it has been 7 days since my last Irrational Outbursts.  You might recall this gem of a picture from my previous public outburst.

I have had a tough few weeks.  It felt like I'd cross one thing off to the to do list and five more things would get added, everything urgent. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I was driving Mr. Boy home from his fourth doctor's appointment in the last three days for a rare virus,  when my car gave a shudder, sputtered, and then died right there.   With adept maneuvering that I gleaned from my years playing Pole Position on Atari, I pulled over into a 10 minute Loading Zone.  After a rush of a 100 phone calls to get a tow truck ordered, AK picked up from Dance,  and pleading for the Mechanic to stay open for us... we got out and waited in 111 degree heat.  I noticed a Parking Cop making his way over to us.  I thought nothing of it, because maybe he was here to help.   But it turns out he was not there to help, he was there to give me a ticket for exceeding my 10 minutes in the loading zone.

I was already furious that my car had died, I had just taken my car in for maintenance the week before. There was NO reason for this to happen, except it was a just a freaky coincidence.  I started to argue with the cop and list off the 10 reasons I didn't need this ticket. Allegedly I may have been talking in a very loud voice about my dumb luck, how my day was terrible, my son was sick with this crazy weird rash, and it was hot and I'm sure my son was dehydrated. I told him that the last possible thing I needed was a ticket.  Before I knew it the parking cop was backing off and talking in his radio.

I thought that he had taken pity on me and I turned my attention to a fire truck and ambulance making it's way up the street and wondered what was going on.   Then I noticed the fire truck slowing down and stopping along side my car.   Uh oh... turns out the fire truck and ambulance were there for us... "To the Hysterical Mother with the sick son, who has suffering from heat stroke."   

A handy diagram of the scene

Dang it.. when am I going to learn that the hysterical outbursts does nothing but cause a scene.  The upside to all the commotion was that we got some water, Mr. Boy got to hang out with the fireman and the fire truck helped guide the tow truck into position and tow my car. 

 

To say that I was mortified would be an understatement.  For the record, Mr. Boy didn't have heatstroke, and the firemen told me they thought it was ridiculous to give a ticket to someone whose car broke down.   I'm not sure how much I believe them... because they also said they didn't think I was crazy...

Pitying the fool, that would be me.

All during Tax Season I keep a notebook handy and jot down all the little things I want to do when it's over.   It's mostly house projects or outings and once tax season ends I have about 5 weeks while my kids are in school to indulge in my list before we go into Ultimate Super Mega Summer Mode.

After a quick family trip, I got super sick and recovery has been slow. In the meantime the universe has been kicking my rear.  I have whined and complained and thrown tantrums that involve phrases such as, "Ugh!  I just want to hem my curtains and paint my chair!"   It's all really silly, and I know that life happens and things don't always go according to plan.   I haven't really been coping with that concept the last few weeks.  

Cars break down, kids get sick, pipes break, but at the end of the day, my family is safe and sound.   After weeks like these, I just want to say, "Woe is me" for the dumbest of reasons.  But then I look at the pictures I've taken over the last few "terrible weeks" and I see...

A young puppy who is full of joy

A little girl who stops dead in her tracks and says, "Mom!!  Look these flowers are so pretty."

And still believes that she really does have superpowers.

 I am grateful that I take lots of photos, because it helps me see the beautiful things in my every day life.  I really am the luckiest girl and have a very charmed life. Eventually the curtains did get hemmed, and while I was at it, I taught Miss AK how to sew too. It was a lot more satisfying helping her sew a small purse, than it was checking one more item off my to do list. 

Over the last few weeks, I've taken this boy to nine different doctor appointments.  The upside was we got to spend lots of one and one time, and this boy, makes me laugh like no one else.   He contracted a rare virus and while he recovers we got to do lots of this. 

And really who can complain about life like this?  Tell me, am I the only one who gets wrapped up in my own pity party? 

The 36 Things Project: Item 19 - Run for my Mom

This year I set a goal of 36 things to do for my 36th year.  Some are meaningful, some are mundane, some are silly.  Follow along as I check things off my list. 

19.  Run for my Mom - This year I want to participate in a run in honor of my mom.   I know participating in a run won't cure cancer, but it will feel like I'm doing something in the fight to end cancer.

Cancer is a thief.   I have said it over and over again, and it's true.  I miss my mom and I just can't sit by and let Cancer win.  I know my actions are a raindrop in a vast ocean when it comes to fighting cancer, but at least I'm trying.  This year our family joined the American Cancer Society to participate on a team for "Relay for Life".   It's a 24 hour walk that raises funds for Cancer Research and Patient Services.  My family volunteered to take the "Stars Wars Lap" and walked for an hour and then passed the baton to other members of our team who took over.  We dressed in costume and it was a great thing to involve the kids in.  

We wore signs on our backs to show that we were doing this for Nana. 

Earlier in the month as a family we decorated a "Luminaria" that would be placed along the path in memory of my mom. 

 I wanted my mom's personality to shine through, she was such a vibrant person. 

I also volunteered to walk the 9-11pm time slot alone for our team and would be walking along a path lit by luminaries.  Each luminaria represents someone who has either survived or lost their life to cancer.  I knew it would be hard, but I just couldn't fathom how many luminaries there would be.  It is just too many people.... way too many people.   My heart ached for each one of these families. 

 

The first time I walked the path at night, I kept looking for my mom's Luminaria.  I wanted to shout out, "Marco" just to hear her say, "Polo" which was my families signature call.  I knew the Luminaria was just a paper bag, but in some ways it felt like it was her.   Finally, I found her at the end of my first lap.  It still shocks me how overwhelming grief can be at times.

I am glad that I was able to do this even though it was hard, even though I cried a lot, because I realized I am not alone in this journey.   Cinnamon walked with me for several laps, even though she would be walking her time slot later that evening.  People shared their stories with me and freely talked about their losses.  I met a lady who had lost her mom when she was my age and she told me her story.  She hugged me, even though she didn't know me and said, "Losing my mom was hard, but it made me a more compassionate person.  You are going to be okay, I promise."   

Those are the words I needed to hear, and the words I miss most.  I used to call my mom and say, "Oh, Mr. Boy is driving me bonkers right now, he won't listen to me."  Or  "Ugh! Who invented toddlers?"  I called my mom for reassurance and encouragement and I miss that. This walk made me remember that there is a whole host of people that surround me and give me love and encouragement.  I am not alone and I am doing okay, and this was a great way to be reminded of that.