Monday, April 27, 2015

Save your face!

I've never been graceful, I'm pretty sure my brother hogged all those genes along with the dimples.  So a week ago I found myself tripping over my own two feet and falling face first down our back porch stairs.  I was getting ready to head into the office and had that moment where I thought "Oh no! Do I land on my laptop or my face?  Wait, I haven't backed up this week!"   I chose face, which was the wrong choice in retrospect.  I hurt my shoulder and my shattered my phone.

My priorities got a little screwed up and I put saving objects before saving myself.  Can you see why I need "The Year of You, The year of Me"? I actually made an appointment to get a new phone before I made an appointment to get my shoulder checked out.  I actually looked at my dangling arm and said, "That's not so bad.  Holy crap, what am I going to do about my phone!"
When I finally relented that I was hurt I headed into see a doctor only to find that I had dislocated my shoulder.   They couldn't even get me to move my arm into position for an x-ray, the pain was that bad.  They gave me a shot for the pain and most of the rest of the visit is a blur.  I do remember them telling me that to put the shoulder back, the pain would be just like when I was in labor with my kids.  Then I panicked and said, "Wait stop!   I don't do that!  Stop!  I don't do labor!  I adopted!"

Everything happened really fast, another shot and there are people that are holding me tight and in position as the doc slides my arm back into place.   I let out a scream that can only be described as primal and the pain was blinding.  Everything went white for a second.

As soon as I caught my breath I started telling the nurses, "You guys are fools, complete fools for having children.  That was STUPID painful and if you said this pain was like labor, I don't really understand why you would do that to yourself.  Oh my goodness, don't ever get pregnant.  I mean it, that was crazy painful."

I remember saying those things and having the thought, "Wendy, please stop talking.  Really, stop talking.  It's time to be quiet."  I'm pretty mortified that I said that and texted every pregnant friend I know. "You might want to think twice about Labor.  It's crazy painful and I'm pretty sure it's a bad idea."

Obviously, the lesson we learned here is 1.  Do not use your face or body to break a fall.  2.  I get very, very opinionated and chatty on pain medication.

1 comment:

Laura Pratt said...

Sorry for the blinding pain you had to endure. Although kind of more #sorrynotsorry because this means more motivation for me to get you on some more meds so you can spill your guts to me!