One of my big beefs was that my brothers had a real Christmas Tree that they got to help pick out. We always had a fake one and my parents would pack away mostly decorated. My brothers strung popcorn while listening to Christmas Music, and I helped my parents fluff and adjust ornaments in three sections on a fake tree.
My mom was sympathetic and tried to make it right. My mom and I went to a cut your own tree farm and brought home a beautiful real tree to the tune of $50 bucks. We decorated it and I felt like my childhood was more complete. Until the very next morning, I woke up BLIND!
My eyes had swollen shut and I had hives all over. I was allergic to the tree! Once we got my allergic reaction under control, we moved the real Christmas Tree on the patio. The fake tree was brought down and that whole Christmas Season, my dad would see the real tree on the patio and remark, "Well, that's $50 bucks we'll never get back."
Flash Forward to the Present: While attempting to Black Friday shop, I hit the local mall. I've mentioned that I'm fearful I'm becoming a hermit, and seeing all those long lines made me literally run for the hills. I went home and hung out with Rupert, Jane and the rest of the deer instead. I did, however, take a moment to enter the Mall's Holiday Contest and I got a phone call that I WON! Not only did I win, I won the Grand Prize! Visions of vacations in far off lands and closets full of shoes filled my head as I drove to the mall to collect my prize. No joke, I actually emptied my trunk just to make sure I had room to haul my loot.
I skipped and danced my way to the Mall Security Office and told them I was here to collect my prize. They said, "Oh yes, you won the Grand Prize! Well, one of the 12 Grand Prizes, it's a real live Christmas Tree, where did you park?"
|Bonus Activity... can you spot the kitty?|
Mall Cop: No, it's about 5-6 feet tall and we can help load it onto your car.
Moi: This feels vaguely reminiscent of my first year of college, "Hey Baby, come here, I'll give you a prize. Next thing you know I'm stuck with an itchy rash."
*crickets* (oh come on, that was hilarious! Really? I didn't even get a courtesy laugh. And for the record, that wasn't really reminiscent of my first year of college . )
Mall Cop: Where are you parked? We have other things we need to do today ma'am..
Moi: I'm not taking the tree, I'm not kidding, I'm allergic. Let me see if I can gift it to a friend. Also, just out of curiosity what were the other prizes?
Mall Cop: Oh, the 2nd prize was $25 gift cards.
Are you kidding? I'd rather have that! Oh well! My prize went to Aunt Cinnamon and looks lovely in her place. Even better, my kids can visit my "Major Award" when they are hanging out with her, and I'll spend the holiday season rash free.
Psst.....Winning was such fun, I want you all to be winners too.
Anyone remember Faux-Prah? Good news it is coming back for Year 2! Stay tuned!